


Baby you're gonna lose,your own game

by pedaldowneyesclosed



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 23yearoldlouis, 25yearoldharry, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal, Blood, Drugs, Fighting, Fingering, M/M, Mentioning of gemma, Rimming, Smut, Violence, WIP, eventually, gangster!harry, idk - Freeform, its a mess, its pretty dark, just go with it, sad!harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 20:17:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4151460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pedaldowneyesclosed/pseuds/pedaldowneyesclosed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has a past. Louis wants to be his future.</p>
<p>An AU where Harry is falling apart. His life has has been a mess since he turned 16 years old and he's close to breaking point, close to knocking that switch inside of himself that will send him over the edge. Then louis Tomlinson comes along and things get even worse. </p>
<p>Title from 'plug in baby' by Muse.<br/> </p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby you're gonna lose,your own game

Harry stands in the alleyway, he flicks the cigarette lighter twice before a small flame erupts and he lights the thing between his fingers. It's silent and dark outside, just the way he likes it. Harry brings the cig to his lips and takes in a long hard drag, allowing his lungs to fill with smoke before he exhales it into the cool air. He can't remember how long he's been stood round the back of the club but his legs are starting to hurt and his fingers are going numb. But he can't go, not now, not when he's been waiting for this chance for months. He puffs out more smoke, until there's nothing left of the cigarette and throws the tab end to the floor beside his feet.

He rests his head against the cold stone wall and lets out a sigh. He knew deep down he should have brought some of the boys to back him up, but this was a job he wanted to do on his own, it was personal to him and harry wanted to the be the only one to make him suffer. Abruptly he hears voices behind the metal door he's stood next to and he feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. That voice. It's that fucking voice. God Harry was going to kill him. Was going to fucking _murder_ him. He clenches his fists and waits for the door to open. When it does there's a smallish figure coming out and Harry launches himself at the man before he can even process what he's doing.

"what the f-" the man tries to shout but Harry’s covering his mouth with one of his hands whilst the other repeatedly punches the man in the stomach, causing him to curl over.

"Thought I wouldn't catch you huh? You thought I'd let this slide and you'd get away with it you fucking _bastard_ " Harry hissed into the man’s ear.

"Get off me!" The man mumbled behind Harry’s hand, trying to push him off, but he was too big. Harry was powerful, built like a machine with all the hours of training/gym he put into making himself stronger.

"You deserve to die! I hope you fucking rot in hell you piece of _shit_ , I swear to god I am gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you right here where nobody will hear you, where nobody can help you, you pathetic human" Harry continued to hiss, the grip on the man’s mouth getting tighter and tighter. Harry then aimed for the knife he had stashed inside of his coat pocket. He pulled it out and brought it close to the man’s neck, one push and he'd see blood, God he wanted to see blood so bad, wanted to push the blade so deep and hear the man whimper as he began to lose consciousness. Harry gripped the knife until his knuckles went white and prepared to push until-

"Hey,what's going on" said a voice from a few feet away. Harry paused and looked up to see a smallish figure, not very visible in the murky alleyway. The boy walked closer to the scene and paused when he saw what Harry was holding in his hand.

"Oh my god" the boy whispered, backing up a little.

"Leave, you don't need to be here" Harry said, his tone a little harsher than it needs to be, but he didn't care, all he wanted was to end this pathetic mans life and call it a day.

"No,no please don't do that, please don't stab him, I'm sure you certainly have your reasons but please don't kill him, you really really don’t want to do that" the voice spoke softly. Harry was surprised by the boys courage, usually when people see a man with a large blade in their hand and anger in their eyes they bolt like a scared rabbit.

" this has fuck all to do with you now will you jus-"

" I'm not going anywhere, if you don't drop the knife and let the guy go I'll call the police and have you arrested" the boy replied.

" are you trying to black mail me?" Harry laughed bitterly, still gripping the man and holding the knife right at his neck.

"If that's what it takes for me to make you drop the knife then yes, I'll call the police"

Harry gritted his teeth and stared at the boy, it was hard to figure out what he looked like when it was this dark. It was silent for a few moments before Harry dropped the knife to the ground and let go of the man. As soon as he was free from his grasp the man ran, he ran straight down the alleyway and didn't stop.

Harry was breathing hard, staring straight at the young boy who was still stood in front of him. Harry knew he was a bad person but he wasn't stupid. If he blew his cover and the young boy called the police it was game over for him.

"thank you" the boy whispered into the night, taking a few paces forward until he was face to face with Harry.

"I hope you fucking realise who you just let escape" Harry said, voice low and fists still clenched.

" I don't know who I just let escape but I do know I just saved you from a lengthy prison sentence" the boy replied cockily.

Harry was quite taken back on how self-assured this stranger was. "You've fucked this up for me pal, I could easily kill you before I have chance to get my hands on him again" Harry declared. The boy wasn't fazed by Harry's harsh tone.

"We both know that's not going to happen. Why don't you come with me yeah? I think we both need to get away from here. I know a bar, just around the corner actually. I think we both use a beer" the boy replied.

Harry blinked a few times, he had literally just had a man at knife point a few minutes ago and now this stranger is offering to play happy families. What the fuck is going on?

"What?"

"Look, don't question it okay, you look like you could use a drink and I certainly need a sit down. Just come with me."

Harry didn't know why he said yes but he did. And now they were both walking away from the ally and into the street, the dimly lit orange lights gave Harry a change to see what this stranger looked like, Harry didn't like speaking to people he couldn't put a face to. The thing was, this stranger was, well...pretty. That was the only word Harry could think of. Pretty. He had lightly tanned skin, a thick-ish fringe that covered some of his face, and his piecing blue eyes could be seen even in the reduced lighting. He wore black skinny jeans, a white V-neck and a pair of vans, which Harry noticed had quite a lot of holes in. He had soft features, thin lips and long eyelashes that looked even longer when he looked down at the floor. But he was also confident, his posture was straight and tall and his tone was very demanding (Harry couldn't decide if he liked that bit yet. He didn't like people being wittier and smarter than he was.)

"What's your name?" Asked the boy. "Harry. Styles that is. Harry Styles"

"m' Louis. Tomlinson that is. Louis Tomlinson" Louis said, mocking Harry’s tone.

Harry didn't say anything.

They walked in silence for the rest of the journey to the bar. Harry checked his phone for the time. 2:04pm. Shit, it had been a long night. Eventually they reached a corner bar Harry wasn't familiar with. 'Raymond's bar' was written in pink and blue neon lighting at the top of the door. When they entered it was quiet, a sluggish song played out of the speakers and most of the tables were empty.

"Two bottles of corona please Ray" Harry shouted to a tall man who was cleaning glasses behind the bar.

"Coming right up haz" the man replied, giving Harry a genuine smile.

The two boys sat in the corner of the bar where it was the quietest. The table wobbled and it smelt of sweat and beer, but Louis didn’t seem to mind. Ray brought their beers over and left them in peace. Harry grabbed the bottle as soon as it was placed on the table and took a long swig, letting the alcohol wash down his dry throat. Louis did the same.

"So, Harry styles. Tell me what I saw tonight" Louis said, placing his bottle back on the beer mat.

"You know what you saw Louis, I was about to slit the motherfuckers neck before you interrupted" Harry replied, tone as icy as the bottle he had in his hand.

"why did you want to...you know…kill him?"

"Sisters rapist" Harry found himself blurting out. "I found out a few months ago that her so called boyfriend had been abusing her, fucking sicko I couldn't wait to get my hands on him, I've been waiting for months to have the perfect opportunity to catch him on his own" Harry said, just speaking about the man made Harry want to throw up.

"Shit harry....look I know I shouldn't have interrupted but I hope you understand why I did. It wasn't my place to interfere but it was about to get ugly and I didn't fancy watching you butcher some guy to death, I think I did you a favour of stepping in. " Louis replied.

Harry just shrugged.

"He'll get what he deserves Harry" "He would have done if you didn't put your nose in my business" Harry spat. Louis sighed and took another swig of beer.

"I need to go" Harry said after a few minutes.

"ok" Louis said quietly, not looking up at Harry.

"Yeah"

Harry left without another word, he zipped up his coat and walked out of the door, back into the cool air. He shook his head as if to ask himself ‘what just happened?’ and walked back down the way him and Louis had come from. He needed to go home, he needed a shower and he needed a good fucking sleep because tonight was one of the oddest nights Harry had had in a while and he's had plenty of those in his time.

The next time Harry saw Louis was at a cafe Harry wasn't familiar with. He'd walked past it a few times on his morning jogs but never intended on going inside. Although today was humid outside, his Nike shorts were beginning to stick to his legs and the headband he had holding back his curls did nothing to prevent the drops of sweat from dripping down his face. Harry was in frantic need of a bottle of water. Or fifty.

When he approached the door he slowed his jog down to a steady walk and opened the door. It was mildly busy inside, couples hugged the corner tables, waitresses were buzzing around clearing up the rubbish and Harry was sure he heard a baby crying somewhere.

He almost froze when he saw who was working behind the till. Louis looked up and blinked a few times before giving Harry a small smile. Harry bit his lip and looked away. He took two bottles of water from the fridge and went to pay.

"didn't think I'd see you here" Louis said.

"Yeah well, needed a drink" Louis scanned the drinks and Harry handed him the coins. Louis could help but notice the scratches on harrys arms, the tiny cut on his bottom lip and...and was his eye that purple yesterday? Maybe he just didn’t notice.

"if you're that tired you can always take a seat, I mean...I'm on my break soon I coul-"

"I don't need your company louis" Harry replied, taking the water and leaving the shop. Louis swallowed and bit his tongue before turning his attention back to the growing number of customers. Once harry had quenched his thirst he carried on running, not thinking too much about the look on louis' face when he left the cafe. Why the fuck should he feel guilty? Harry styles doesn't feel guilty. Besides, Louis was the one that stopped him from killing his target last night and now Harry had to think of a new way to catch the bastard that raped his sister.

When Harry returned to his flat, the familiar smell of sweat and beer filling his nose, he took of his running top and threw his neon yellow trainers to the side. He lit up a cigarette, got a beer out of the fridge and switched on the TV. If it was up to Harry he wouldn't bother with jogging or running or keeping fit, but he had to. If it was his choice he would sit in his boxers all day, drink to his heart’s content, buy some good weed from zayn and pass out. But because of his line of work, because he had to deal with men twice his age and sometimes twice his size on a daily bases he couldn't afford to be unfit. Harry has been a part of the gang since he was just 16 year old. They needed a baby face, someone they could train up to become large and robust. So that's what they did with Harry. They gave him hard-core drugs, proteins; exercise programmes and make him into what he is today. When he was 17 he was given his first fight. Someone 8 years older than him and much much stronger. The gang said he didn't do too bad, apart from a broken wrist and a pierced lung. He’s had worse since then. He must have dozed off around 6pm, when he woke up the sound of his phone ringing and zayn’s name flashing up on the screen he knew he was about to have a job on his hands.

"what's up bro?" He asked lazily, rubbing his eyes.

"Mick hasn't fucking paid his drug money again, it's the second time Harry and he owns me well over 500 quid. The boys have said they need you to back em' up, they're gonna jump him on his way home from work and they want you there. The cunt isn't getting away with it this time" zayn said from the other end of the line, Harry had known zayn long enough to tell he wasn't messing about.

"I'll meet you at yours in 10" Harry said before hanging up.

He got dressed in his skinnies, put on a black top and his leather jacket. He grabbed a small blade from the kitchen draw, downed another bottle of beer and went for the door. By the time he got to zayns there were three other men there. Harrys seen them in fights before and they were much older than he was. They too were wearing black clothing. Zayn appeared from the doorway, cigarette hanging from his mouth and was trying to load a pocket sized gun. He looked up at Harry.

"Alright buddy" he nodded, smoke puffing out of his nose and mouth.

"yeah pal, what's the deal, where we goin?" Harry asked.

" Apparently Mick works at a betting shop just outside of town, we are gonna go down there, one of the guys has been down there every day this week to see what time he finishes. It's about 10 so we'll make a jump for him then. The bastard won't know what's hit him" zayn hissed. He pulled on a pair of black leather gloves and shoved the gun into his pocket.

Harry and zayn had been forced to join the gang at the same time. Zayn’s dad is the leader so he had no choice but to join, hopefully he’ll take over as boss once his dad has retired. Harry and zayn first became friends in school, when everything was innocent and sweet, when they both had loving families and people that loved them. When things started going downhill with Harry, Zayns dad offered him to be a part of the gang, and the rest is history. The 'Westside' gang or so they were known as, did things their own way, they were smart and practical, Zayns dad, Daz, taught the lads a lot about being clever. 'It's all about fooling he victim' he had told them. 'You have to learn to plan ahead and catch them out, play them at their own game.' At the mere at of 16 Harry and zayn had listened and watched in awe as this man told them he ins and outs of being a good gang member. Nowadays it still remained true, they had to get inside the mind of their victim and then strike.

Eventually the men climbed into the white van zayn had borrowed and sped off in search of Mick, who zayn initially wanted to kill, or at least put him in hospital for a very long time. It was 9:47pm when they arrived outside the betting shop. They parked out of view and watched from the back windows as the last few people walked out.

"you ready?" Zayn asked, finishing off the joint he had lit on the way.

"As ever" Harry replied with a smirk.

This kind of thing always got his adrenaline going, always made him ready to pounce, ready to feel his knuckles smash against the bones of his victim and watch them suffer. Harry lived for it, craved it ever since he was 16.

10:01 was when the boys caught a glimpse of Mick, it was dark out and nobody else was around. He put the shutters down on the shop window, whistling to himself as he did so. Fool. He then pulled a pair of keys from his back pocket and locked the front door. That's when Harry, Zayn and two other boys from Westside quietly snuck from the van and ran towards Mick at full speed, keeping their voices low. When they see close enough, Mick turned around to see what the noise was. He didn't have time to react due to the blow he felt to his face by Harrys strong left first, followed by a kick in the stomach by Zayn. The man struggled to get up but did so anyway. He pulled a knife out of nowhere at aimed it at the men. Harry punched him again, causing him to stumble. Things got ugly very quickly, with 5 against 1 Mick didn't stand a chance.

"You own me fucking money mickey boy! You've had your chance to pay up and you didn't" zayn shouted, with a wicked laugh.

"You're a bastard Zayn Malik, you're not getting shit from me!" Mick said, blood seeping from his nose. Harry watched the two men argue, growing more and more angry with each punch. Zayn laid another hit on Mike’s face, cracking him right on the nose. Mick hit back with his right fist, it wasn’t as powerful as it could have been, but it still made Zayn stumble.

Unexpectedly, mick turned to Harry and slashed him on the arm with the knife.

"fuck,fuck" Harry hissed in pain as deep red blood poured from his arm. He tumbled backwards, one of the other men that had travelled with them in the van handed Harry a dirty cloth to wrap around his arm to ease the bleeding.

"I'm going to _kill you_ " Zayn hissed. The last thing Harry heard was a gunshot, and then he passed out.

When Harry woke up he was laid on his back, a cold flannel was placed on his head and his arm was stitched. It was un-even and messy, but it did the job. He noticed he was in his flat, zayn was in the chair opposite him, texting frantically on his phone. It was light outside, probably about 6ish in the morning.

"Wha- what happened?" Harry asked, his voice coming out as more of a whisper.

"The fucker stabbed you, how ya feelin?' Zayn asked.

"Sore. My heads killing and my arm doesn't look too good. Pour me a vodka will you"

Zayn went to the liquor cupboard and poured Harry a generous glass of vodka and handed it to him. Harry took a large gulp and winced at the scald in his throat.

"I'll be fine" Harry said.

"You've gotta be fine haz, my dad has another job for us tonight and he wants you there" Zayn replied.

Harry stood up on wobbly legs and excused himself for a shower. When he returned to the living room Zayn had gone. He checked his phone and saw Zayn had left him an address for tonight's job. Something about a guy threatening to murder his wife and giving heroin to an underage kid. Harry tossed his phone to one side and downed the rest of the vodka. He fell asleep some time later.

He was woken to an alarm going off at 7pm, shit, he slept the whole day? The alarm told him it was almost time for him to meet Zayn and the lads. Harry repeated his usual routine of getting ready quickly and leaving the flat for the next job. The guy they were dealing with was an easy enough target and it only took two of them to finish the job. That didn’t mean the guy didn’t up a fight though. Harry finished him off with a kick in his groin and left the man with his injures. The boys didn’t kill the guy, but he was in a bad way.

Sometime later, Harry was back home. He had a nice purple bruise forming on his rib cage and a nasty cut on his hand. Nothing a bottle of vodka and some crappy TV wouldn't solve,right? When Harry woke up again, it was the next morning. His days seemed to mould into one lately, every day was either fighting or drinking himself to death. He decided to wash away some of the dried out blood on his face with a pleasant warm shower and have a walk to the shops. Louis' cafe to be exact. He didn't know why he wanted to see louis' face, the boy literally caused him to lose the one guy he'd been wanting to kill for months. But right now he just wanted a familiar face, someone soft to look at. Plus, he kind of felt bad for the way he left the other day, but he wouldn’t admit that.

When he entered the cafe Louis was exactly where he had been the last time. Stood behind the counter. Harry slowly walked over to him and ordered a large coffee. Louis looked at him with sad eyes, obviously noticing the cuts and bruises that had developed over Harrys pale skin. Harry thanked Louis for the drink and gave him a small smile before sitting down in a seat by the window. It had been a quite morning for Louis, not many customers. He watched Harry carefully, wondered where all those cuts had come from on the boy’s face. God he had some many questions. Louis didn't even know why he was bothered by this boy, he almost murdered someone right in front of his eyes, but there was just something about this boy...something different. Harry sat in the window seat for some time, in a world of his own as he watched rain fall outside. When Louis was on his break he picked up the courage to go sit next to the older lad. He took over two chocolate muffins and placed himself next to Harry.

"you okay?" Louis whispered. Harry blinked as if to bring himself back into reality and looked over to Louis with a miserable face.

"I'm fine" Harry lied.

"You're _lying_ "

"Why does it matter to you anyway"

"I ju-harry your face, like, that doesn't happen by accident" Louis said gently.

"Leave it Louis, please, it's none of your business" Harry said. God, coming here was a bad idea.

"Okay, well, I brought you a muffin in case you were hungry" Louis sighed.

He got up from his seat and left Harry in peace again. When Louis looked over again a few minutes later Harry had gone, along with the chocolate muffin.

Harry scoffed the muffin as soon as he reached home, not having eaten anything proper in the past two days. Fighting took up most of his hours and whatever he had left was usually spent nursing himself back to health or feeling sorry for himself. However when he had finished he noticed something at the bottom of the wrapper. He looked closer to see it was a mobile number, Louis’ mobile number to be exact. Harry rolled his eyes and threw the wrapper to the side; he'll put in the bin later.

At 8:35 in the evening Harry phone buzzed. It was Zayn.

"Hello?"

"Mate I'm coming to pick you up ,my dad wants all us lads down at the head office, said he has to talk to us all, probably got a big job on our hands tonight" "alright" was all Harry managed to say.

when they reached the old mill, also known as 'head office' Daz, Zayns father, a tall expansive man with tattoos on both arms, as well as a large rose at the side of his neck was stood in the heart of the room. Most of the others were already there. There were almost thirty men involved with the Westside gang, all of them well constructed with all kinds of crazy tattoos and piercings and cruel faces. Even though Harry had been part of it since 16 even now, 9 years later, some of the men in this place petrified him. Harry would never let anyone know that though. Harry styles can't be fearful of anything.

"Boys, great to see you all made it. Reason I've brought you all here is because we need to up our game. Westside has been around since I was a kid and I don't want you slacking. It's rumoured some of you have been too soft and I don't do soft, I've brought you all into my business so you can work for me, and so you can fight for me. You guys are the best of the best and I wanted to let you all know that if I catch any of you doing what you're not supposed to, you're finished. Gone"

Daz spoke in a harsh and demanding tone. Harry flinched at his words, he's seen first-hand what Daz is capable of doing when someone steps out of line, still has nightmares about it to this day. He turned to face Zayn.

"I have a good friend who lives just outside town, he's having some problems with a guy he works with, something about him stealing money and I want you and Harry to head down there and kick the living daylights out of him. He's called Olly, the guys been done for murder before so take the gun I gave you and be careful for fuck sake. Don't mess this up"

Daz said quietly to both Zayn and Harry. The lads nodded once and headed out of the door knowing that Daz didn't like being questioned, as long as you got the job done, you were in his good books. Harry and Zayn left the building in silence and went to the van.

"big job on our hands haz" Zayn said once they had set off down the road.

"yeah" Harry replied quietly, dazing out of the window.

Once they reached the house Daz told them about, they quietly got out of the van and approached the door; it wasn't locked, which was usual. Harry checked his pocket for his knife, it was still there. Good. Both lads crept through the door and headed straight upstairs, the old wooden floorboards creaking from their heavy black boots. What Harry wasn't expecting was to be jumped. As soon as they reached the top of the stairs four men came out of nowhere, two of them grabbed Harry and the other two grabbed Zayn. They were both harshly shoved into one of the large bedrooms, their mouths covered by one of the men's large hands. Before Harry could even register what the fuck was going on both him and Zayn were tied to chairs, ropes were wrapped around their wrists so tight it burned.

"untie us now you fucking prick" Zayn shouted, frantically trying to throw his body around in an attempt to break free. Harry struggled too, and the men laughed at their pathetic tries.

"Ah, I knew you two would be here soon enough" said an unfamiliar voice. Both boys turned their head to the door and saw a large man, dressed in ripped jeans, a messy blue shirt and a pierced lip. He must be Olly.

"Didn't think I knew Daz would send you huh? Look at you both, think you're hard men in a little gang. You're pathetic" Olly said, spitting at Zayns feet. Harry felt his blood boil.

"Think you can out-smarten me? You've been in the game long enough to know better, should be wiser by now." Olly continued a wicked grin on his face. Harry glared at the man, clenching his fists together behind his back and biting his tongue.

"Maybe if Daz didn't have a dumb as fuck son you two might have been a bit better than this. Maybe if you didn't try to act like you waste -of- space father you might have caught me" Olly said, now right up in Zayns face.

"And you" Olly began, Turing slightly to face Harry. " poor little Harry Styles. Just another deprived kid who was forced to grow up with a crack whore as a mother" he laughed.

"Don't you _dare_  speak about my mother that way you son of a -"

"Oh give it a rest, you're nothing Harry, a worthless piece of scum that thought getting involved with a gang would solve all his problems and make his life easier. Well guess what sunshine, it didn't. And now I've got you, maybe I'll kill you here where nobody would even see that you’re gone because _nobody cares about you_ , let you rot in a room alone just like your fucking mothe-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Harry screamed, God he was fuming, so fucking angry. Nobody spoke of Harrys mother like that.

Olly just laughed. He pulled out a large kitchen knife from his pocket and aimed it at the boys neck. He slid the blade across Harrys throat, not deep enough to cause a gash but deep enough to draw blood and make Harry hiss in pain.

'This is it' Harry thought, this is the end for me. He's going to kill me here.

Zayn closed his eyes and focused on breathing.

Suddenly the door burst open again and in came six of the men from Westside. Harry doesn't know why or how they got here but he's so fucking glad they did. One of them stabbed Olly right in the stomach, causing him to keel over promptly. There was a lot of shouting and swearing and blood and god knows what else but Harry was still alive. Both him and Zayn were untied and told to run.

Harrys ears and heart pounded as he ran down the stairs.

Zayn told him to get into the van but he refused, told Zayn he'd give him a call later.

Harry ran. He just fucking ran all the way down the street, ignoring the burn in his thighs, refusing to stop until he couldn't physically breath. He almost fucking died back there.

When he finally reached home, sweat and blood streaming down his face, he went straight to the cupboard where he kept his drinks. Whisky. He needed a shit ton of whisky. He found a bottle of jack and gulped it down. He wiped his mouth on the back of his t-shirt and let his body fall to the floor. Tears began to fall down his face, tears he had been holding in for so fucking long.Olly's words were still echoing through is mind.

' you're worthless, you're worthless, you're worthless' played in his mind over and over again. And maybe Olly was right, maybe Harry was worthless. Maybe he is a piece of worthless fucking shit.

Harry threw the empty bottle of jack against the wall and screamed. He screamed and tugged harshly and his hair until he couldn't breathe because he was sobbing so hard. Harry was about to pass out on the floor when he found the muffin wrapper louis had given him earlier. It had somehow managed to roll onto the floor not far from Harry’s feet. He un-screwed the brown paper and observed the number. Without even thinking he pulled out his phone and dialled out the digits, he was so fucking drunk at this point, so broken and so tired of everything.

He just wanted to hear a familiar voice. A friendly familiar voice. Louis picked up on the 3rd ring.

"Hello"

" _louis_ " Harry said, voice cracking.

"Who's this?" He asked.

"It's..Its me H-harry" Harry replied, this was a bad idea.

"Harry wh- what the fuck, I didn't expect you to call, are you alright, you sound a little...upset?" Louis tried.

"I just I- I don't know what to do louis. I'm tired, I'm so fucking tired of everything. I'm stupid and I'm a bad person and I ju-"

"I'm coming over. Text me your address I'm coming over Harry" Louis interrupted before hanging up.

Harry sobbed even more, his blurry eyes making it difficult to see the bright phone screen. He somehow managed to text Louis his address before throwing the phone to the floor. He didn’t even deserve company, especially from Louis. Harry had been nothing but nasty to the boy ever since they met a few days ago, and even though he kind of deserved it, Louis was only doing him a favour. Harry remained on the floor, his mind was spinning and his legs hurt and his eyes were stinging and he just wanted to die. Harry wanted to curl up into a ball and fall into a deep sleep, he didn’t want his anymore. He didn’t want to do any of it anymore because it had all finally become too much. Micks’ words still echoed around his drunken brain. Worthless. Nobody cares. He was almost asleep when he vaguely heard the front door unlock. Louis. Harry eyes rolled to the back of his head but he felt a pair of hands suddenly worm their way around his waist to keep him up straight.

"Harry? Come on love open your eyes for me yeah?" A soft voice said. Louis wiped the loose curls away from Harry's face and used his sleeve to get rid of the sweat building on his forehead.

"I'm here it's okay"

Harry slowly opened his watery eyes, the room was dark and cold but he felt warm against louis' touch.

"I don't, I can't do- i _wont_  do this anymore" Harry sobbed, his cheat heaving, trying to pant for breath. Louis held him, wrapped him up in his arms and gently rocked Harry back and forth in attempt to calm him down. Louis wondered what the hell was going on but judging by the smashed bottle at the other side of the room and the multiple cuts Harry had in his hands from the glass, he could tell Harry hadn't had a good night. They sat in silence for a long while whilst louis let a million unanswered questions run through his head.

"What's happened huh? What's got you in this mess?" Louis whispered, still continuing to sooth harry.

By now his breathing had steadied but he was still shaking like a leaf.

"Bad job...almo...fuck he almost killed me and he said horrible things and I just don't know what to do everything is fucked up I want it all to finish louis I wan-"

"Harry it's okay I'm here, just stay calm, you've had a lot to drink and you're confused. How about we get you into bed yeah? I'll get you a nice cup of tea and we'll talk"

louis interrupted, Harry was barely making any sense, his words slurring into one. He managed to pick Harry's body up off the floor and force him into the bedroom, where he took off his dirty t-shirt and tucked him up into the sheets. Louis didn't have a clue what was happening to this boy but he did know he wanted to shelter him, wanted to cocoon him from all evil in the world and keep him safe. Louis tucked Harry in until just his face peeped out from under the blanket, he gave the boy a small reassuring smile before heading back out of the door to make Harry some tea.

"p-please dont" Harry croaked. Louis whipped his head around at the sound, and looked at Harry in confusion.

"Don't what?" "Leave me"

"I'm just going to the kitchen to make you a drink I won't be long I just-"

"M' scared louis" Harry whimpered.

"There's nothing to be scared of love I'm just in the kitchen" louis replied

" you'll leave. You'll leave me just like everyone else does and you won't come back. People always leave me louis they say they're gonna be around but they go and I can't cope with people leaving me, not anymore. I've been on my own since I was 16." Harry sobbed, tears starting to fall again. God he was so pathetic for crying.

Louis heart clenched in his chest.

"Who left you darling, who's hurt you this bad?" Louis asked, walking back into the room and placed himself at the bottom of the bed, careful not to sit on Harry's feet.

" My mum. She-urm, when I was a kid she would, she would leave me for long hours. She'd force me to make me own tea, iron my own clothes, find my own way to school because she was never around. My dad left when I was 12 and my sister spent most of her time out parting with her friends so I didn't have anyone else. She'd come home late at night drunk out of her face and high off something. Guess me and her have a lot in common now" Harry huffed before continuing. " She wasn't like, abusive or whatever but sometimes she'd get really angry and she's shout at me a lot and tell me I wasn't a good enough son. Her words caused my self harm. When I was 16, I remember, she was drunk and told me I was ugly and worthless so I went into the bathroom and cut my wrists. I promised myself that I wouldn't let anyone know. She caused me severe depression louis, made me into this thing...this angry,sad,lonely kid that had absolutely nobody in his life to love. She died a few months later from a Heroin overdose. I found her in bed myself. Even though all these years later I still can't get the image of her body out of my head. She looked so lonely. So dead. I _did_  love her though,strangely enough, she was still my mother at the end of the day"Harry said, he didn't once look at louis during his story, decided instead to focus on the dirty painting on the bedroom wall.

Louis didn't even realise he was crying until Harry stopped talking. This boy, this poor poor boy. God, he had been through so much and louis had no idea. He wanted to wrap Harry up in his arms and squeeze every ounce of badness out of his body.

" I joined a gang when I was 16, it helped for a while, helped me get my mind of personal things like my mum dying. But I got too involved, fuck I still am too involved and it's been piling up on me for so long. Ever since I found out about my sister getting raped I haven't been myself, been getting myself some serious injures in my fights and i just- fuck it all louis, _fuck it all I want to die_ "


End file.
